When a Teacup Is Not a Teacup
I disappeared again. I know.
The funny thing (although it’s not really funny so forget I said funny) is this:
When I was “gone” this summer, I was actually still writing posts. It’s just that my blog was “broken” so only a few people were reading.
And yet.
I kept posting. And reading other people’s blogs. Engaging in the time-sucking affairs of the blogging addict. Because it is like a drug, right? Complete with its own highs and lows:
A. The fear of losing readers B. The thrill of receiving comments. C. The heady rush of compliments bestowed upon you by strangers who become friends. D. All of the Above
Answer: D
And also, YES YES YES! I am wonderful! Someone notices me!
I soaked it up and worked hard at it, blogging. And – in the process – I neglected my fiction. My dream had long been to publish a novel. Someday. But on the path of scattered success, I self-medicated. With By Any Other Name.
Oops.
So one day my blog was FIXED! and I published a post announcing I’m BACK! even though I’d never been GONE!
And then (because I’m an IDIOT!) I actually did stop blogging.
I was Gone Girl (which I’m reading now and damn, Gillian Flynn’s smart. Like, GENIUS!).
Then I decided not to post about not posting. Because it seemed oxymoronish; and I aim to be the regular kind of moron.
Plus who cares, really? I’m just Julie and you’re all BUSY! with probably too many unread posts in your own inboxes to worry about someone who’s gone.
To be honest, there were days that I wished for no new posts in my inbox. You see, I fail at moderation even when an endeavor becomes too much. So I kept on posting. And reading. And commenting. And replying. And sinking. And not working on my fiction.
Until suddenly I didn’t. (Post, read, comment, reply, sink.) I worked on my fiction.
I hoped no one would notice. But they did. You did.
I received personal emails and messages, inquiries about my well-being. Your concerns were lovely and daunting and eye-opening. I couldn’t simply disappear.
Gone Girl is a novel not a life.
I wrote my first post two years ago (the anniversary passed without a BANG! or a whimper) and in it I said this:
“My work never feels done. I could always write more. Edit more. Research more. Promote myself via social-networking sites more. So rather than navigating the waters of my career in a rowboat with at least one paddle, I am holding a teacup in front of an ocean, aware I’m supposed to do something, but not sure what. So, yes, this morning I’m the tiniest bit adrift, wading into the tide. But that’s okay.
It looks like a nice day for a swim.”
So I hope you *get* why I’m temporarily course-correcting back to my original goal. Because I sort of lost sight of the finish line while being loved by (perhaps) and loving you. (Not perhaps.)
I owe it to myself, my family – my children who are watching me – to finish what I started. And I’m trusting my friends to be patient in the interim.
Because I am not gone. I promise. I’m simply aiming my teacup at a different wave today.
With my head held high and my fingers crossed.
My heart still full of hope.
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55 Comments to When a Teacup Is Not a Teacup
by By Word of Mouth Musings
On September 25, 2012 at 6:50 am
I may have to print out those last three lines …
They work ever so well for my life right now.
by Charlene Ross
On September 25, 2012 at 6:53 am
Ah Julie – you are loved. And you have been missed! But, yes, I know exactly what you mean about losing sight of your true goals. I’m working on that myself right now. Like you don’t even know. (But I’d like to tell you! Wine soon?)
by Marvi Marti
On September 25, 2012 at 6:54 am
Good to see you back!
I plan someday to write a novel! I may contact you for pointers.
Welcome back my sister by another mother!
by Katie Allen
On September 25, 2012 at 6:59 am
I can’t wait to read your book!
by Alison
On September 25, 2012 at 7:03 am
I missed you so. Really missed you.
But I get the teacup in different direction/ wave thing. I do.
See you soon? xo
by tracy@sellabitmum
On September 25, 2012 at 7:06 am
I love you and I’ll be first in line at your book signing when you are on your book tour.
xo
by Missy @ Wonder Friend
On September 25, 2012 at 7:06 am
I think you’re my sister from another mister. What’s extra eerie is this: today is the first day in weeks I’ve taken the time to visit blogs, and here you are with a tale much like my own. I have been writing, just not for the blog. Also? Just finished Gone Girl yesterday.
I envy those who can strike the balance. I see people following their dreams and writing on their blog and keeping up with everything else there is to do in life. And even though I consider myself relatively organized, reasonably efficient, and not-too-stupid-most-of-the-time, I can’t seem to manage both blogging and following my dreams of writing a novel. Sure, I could post, but I cannot read, comment, engage like I want to. So I find it easier to disappear.
I’m rambling. In short, I hear you. Keep after it and know that any time I see you pop up in my in-box, I’ll be reading!
by Jayme
On September 25, 2012 at 7:06 am
I totally understand. You need to do what you need to do for yourself and your family. I went away for a while too. I also missed you while you were gone. Even though I don’t always comment, just know that I always read your posts.
by Cameron
On September 25, 2012 at 7:08 am
Julie C., the world will go dark if you really stop, but since I’m confident you won’t really FOREVER stop, I’m content to let my reader watch for your posts so I can come over and gush like the fangirl I am, and to squee like a middle school girl with a note in her locker when you read me.
Better though, will be going into Barnes & Noble and picking up your novel and saying, all blushing and coy, to the hipster behind the counter, “I know her!”
Like the fangirl I am.
by Carolina Valdez Miller
On September 25, 2012 at 7:11 am
Oh, but I have missed you! Your posts are like lovely little packages left for me to stumble upon and delight over, although I have no UPS dude to thank. But I look forward to your fiction just as much as these little packages, so it warms me to know that you are working towards that end (writing stories so I can read them, of course), even if it means the lovely little packages do not appear as often (sidenote: they are no less appreciated for appearing less often). In all seriousness, don’t set aside what you long for most to satisfy a now-craving. This applies to dieting, but also to blogging (and the immediate gratification it provides to writers) versus writing your fiction and publishing which is the ultimate dream (and totally doable reality). Snack on occasion if you must, but always remember the ultimate goal. We’re not going anywhere. We live inside your Internet.
by NannyK
On September 25, 2012 at 7:11 am
I’ll be patient! Fingers crossed and heart full of hope for you, too!!!
by Renee A. Schuls-Jacobson
On September 25, 2012 at 7:25 am
Julie! I just thought this morning: “I need to check on Julie.”
I had my own mishagas going on when i lost my computer back in August when everything crashed and burned because I was an idiot and didn’t keep a backup. So everything is gone. EVerything. Yeah. Remember that?
That said, I’m glad to know you are writing hard on your book.
And reading.
And mommying.
ANd struggling to balance it all.
I don’t know why but I really think my mother did all of this better.
Don’t worry. I can’t call you because all those emails are gone.
Along with my photographs.
ANd all my curriculum.
And twenty years of writing.
I’m still grieving.
But I’m really glad you are okay.
DOn’t worry about us.
We’re not going anywhere.
We just miss your voice, so when you can write something, do.
But don’t make this take you away from what we really want. From what you want. To be published. And you KNOW that if you need an extra set of eyes, I’m happy to help.
by Stephanie
On September 25, 2012 at 7:33 am
I did notice, but at least you’re not procrastinating and making excuses like I am. I really, really need to do what you’re doing.
by Elaine A.
On September 25, 2012 at 7:55 am
Good for you! I posted recently that I will not be posting as much but I totally get the addiction of which you speak. I have kids and a husband who need me more than the internet but that doesn’t mean I don’t still have my moments to say “hi” and put a post out there. It just IS part of my life.
Good luck with your novel. I am sure it will be amazing.
by Kelly K @ Dances with Chaos
On September 25, 2012 at 8:08 am
I love you. You know that, right?
I am going through a similar thing, only my family (due to their proximity) is about ready to revolt thanks to my lack of posts.
I will console myself that your are lurking, and a simple email away if I really need to talk to you.
You will be missed, but we share a similar dream and I know without giving something up, it simply won’t happen.
I’m bummed I missed posts while your blog was broken too.
Please up date us on the book progress because I cannot wait to read more of your words. ((HUGS))
by Bridget
On September 25, 2012 at 8:18 am
Just yesterday I thought, I need to email Julie and say, “tell me you’re not blogging because you’re too busy getting your novel published.”
Seriously.
by joann mannix
On September 25, 2012 at 9:10 am
I get it. I sooooo get it.
Even though I am an incredibly sporadic blogger these days, I still feel the guilt and the pull of the beloved blogging world. All the time.
Write on, my sister. Conquer that wave.
by Di
On September 25, 2012 at 9:54 am
Whether you are blogging or not, you will never by gone girl, at least not from my life! And publishing Lily is not a matter of if but a matter of when…I just know that, somehow I do!
by KLZ
On September 25, 2012 at 9:54 am
Your heart being full of hope is all I could ever wish for you. What a wonderful feeling.
by Jackie
On September 25, 2012 at 11:03 am
You know what would be fun? Share little snippets of your book as a post! I love reading what other people write especially when they’re a blogger that I read! I feel all special like I know the author! LOL!
by Karen G
On September 25, 2012 at 11:03 am
Good luck, Julie! You are an inspiration to me.
by Jennifer
On September 25, 2012 at 11:30 am
Do it! I’m proud of you. XO
by Alex@LateEnough
On September 25, 2012 at 11:34 am
I’ve missed you but I want you to get your dreams more than I want to read your words here. AND THAT’S SAYING AND GIVING UP A LOT YOU KNOW.
by Clearly Kristal
On September 25, 2012 at 2:38 pm
I check your blog often, and hoping all is OK. I am happy that you are doing well. Staying true to yourself. At one point yesterday I thought to check in with you … but thought that might be weird. So glad you are back – one of my favorite bloggers.
by The Flying Chalupa
On September 25, 2012 at 8:55 pm
Love the teacup image, Julie. You are one of the most generous bloggers and writers out there – take all the time you need. We will all still be here. Promise.
And so exciting about the novel. YOU CAN DO IT.
by Robin Bielman
On September 25, 2012 at 11:35 pm
It’s official – we love you no matter how often you blog. It’s also official that the line of fans at your book signing will be out the door.
by Gigi
On September 26, 2012 at 3:40 am
I’m so happy for you…that you’re able to realize it’s time to keep your eyes on the prize.
And you’re right…the kids are watching. Rooting for you. Waiting for a lesson to glean from what you do.
Channel your hope and run with it!!!!!!
I still want to have lunch, though.
by Jamie
On September 26, 2012 at 4:08 am
I weave in and out of inbox’s myself but for nothing fancy like a novel, just for other things fancy like life. I missed you but knew you’d be up to something worth telling us about.
by Mel
On September 26, 2012 at 7:43 am
Glad to know you are safe and sound and re-committed to doing what you really want to do!
by julie
On September 26, 2012 at 9:17 am
You, my dear friends – both in the blog world and in real life – are nothing short of fabulous.
I really do love you. And feel so very lucky.
by francerants
On September 27, 2012 at 10:48 am
This post made my head hurt. But in a good way. I think.
And just so you know
Now for some totally random shit:
I read Girl Gone this summer and really liked it. Then I tried to read another one of the author books, and couldn’t get into it, thus I didn’t finish it. So there’s that.
I also read ‘Where’d You Go Bernadette’ by the chick who consulted for Arrested Development and hated the ending. I also thought the book would be funnier, but maybe that was just me projecting my love of Jason Bateman, aka
by francerants
On September 27, 2012 at 10:51 am
SHIT SHIT SHIT.
I wasn’t done with my comment, I was adding something (this part: And just so you know) and I meant to hit CAPS but hit enter and it posted my UNFINISHED COMMENT.
So let me finish.
Just so you know: I GET YOUR DILEMMA. I LIVED IT/LIVE IT.
And now, back to Jason Bateman, aka… Michael Bluth. I forgot what I was gonna say.
Oh well. Keep writing sister!
by Lady Jennie
On September 27, 2012 at 12:08 pm
Good. Don’t be gone completely. Just be on vacation to achieve your goals and then come back.
Love you.
by Galit Breen
On September 27, 2012 at 2:08 pm
Raising my tea cup to you and your goal and your swim. Because damn girl, you are *so* going to rock this! xo
by angela
On September 27, 2012 at 8:27 pm
Cheers to you, teacup direction up to you
I use my blog to procrastinate my other writing at times; is it wrong that it makes me feel a LITTLE better to know I’m not the only one.
(Also? Gone Girl? So clever. So much attention to detail. I’m slightly scared of Gillian Flynn.)
by Suniverse
On September 28, 2012 at 4:07 pm
I’ve got a spoon to go with that teacup.
XO Always.
by Katie
On September 29, 2012 at 7:50 am
tea cups makes me think of teaspoons which makes me think of coffee spoons which then brings me to prufrock.
“And indeed there will come a time/ To wonder, “Do I Dare?” and, “Do I Dare?”
…
Do I dare / Disturb the Universe? / In a minute there is time / For decisions and revisions which a minute will reverse.”
…
We have lingered in the chambers of the sea / By sea-girls wreathed with seaweed red and brown / Till human voices wake us, and we drown.
Tackle that sea with your teacup, friend. Because if anyone can make a teacup contain a sea? It’s you.
by julie
On September 29, 2012 at 11:32 am
Quoting Prufrock is ALWAYS a win.
You rock, Katie Sluiter. Steady.
by erin margolin
On October 1, 2012 at 9:07 am
Welcome back, but I know I’m the one who’s really been “gone,” and also? I finished Gone Girl a few weeks ago and LOVED it. Trying to get husband to read it. I’m now on to Age of Miracles.
I love what you quoted from your first post. “I’m the tiniest bit adrift And that’s okay.”
I’m sorry I’ve been MIA….I love you and happy blogoversary!!!!
by Missy | The Literal Mom
On October 1, 2012 at 7:23 pm
I do SO love your posts. But I also honor what you need to do. (And pssst – I read Gone Girl in about 3 days – you MUST email me and tell me what you thought of the end of it).
by heidi
On October 2, 2012 at 2:25 pm
Okay, let’s talk Gone Girl. I just posted about it a few days ago. We’re talking blogging, right? So, I ‘posted’ about how much I loved her book. The Amy of it all!! You need to read Sharp Objects because, oh man, it will get under your skin. She is a writing genius.
I left, you left. Now I’m back. (Kinda, sorta.) It’s so good to see you here, Julie. I love being among your words and with your voice. Because it’s your voice, your strong, smart voice, that grabs me. That makes me want to get a cup of coffee or a glass of wine and take in what you have to say.
I’m with you. Head high, heart full of hope.
by Julia
On October 2, 2012 at 4:36 pm
So glad to see you back! Whenever you finish this book, please know I will be among the many, many people in line to read. You are special, and I’m so glad to have connected with you in this blogging world.
Also? Thank you for posting infrequently. You and I are probably on the same way-behind-on-blogging pace.
by Jessica
On October 4, 2012 at 7:38 am
I will be here whenever you are and checking on you when you are not. xo
by Kristin @ What She Said
On October 4, 2012 at 8:54 am
I wish I had your discipline. Because I would love to focus on freelance writing gigs, queries, a media kid, and other opportunities outside the realm of blogging, but I just can’t… quite… let it go. You already know this because we’ve talked about it. (Brokeback Blogging – remember? “I wish I could quit you!” Ha! I made a funny!).
In the meantime, I love, love, love the analogy of sitting in a rowboat in the ocean with a teacup. Like, ZOMG love.
by Kristin @ What She Said
On October 4, 2012 at 8:55 am
A media kit, not kid. I do not want a media kid. She already watches too much TV as it is.
by Arnebya
On October 5, 2012 at 7:09 am
I read Gone Girl and lemme tell ya, it renewed my sense of urgency surrounding getting past chapter 4 of my own novel, the dream I’ve had forever and ever amen. Then I had to get her two other books immediately and loved those as well. Genius is really the only word to use to describe her writing. I go back and forth between the novel and the blog and writing other places, upset that the two latter things take me away from the book but too afraid to stop and focus on the book alone which truly deserves all of my attention.
You’ve been missed, Julie, but you know it’s hard as hell (especially for procrastinators or those easily distracted) to focus on one’s own writing when there are so many other blogs you want to support and you feel like you’re losing readers or a runner in the so-called blogging game. Meh. We’ll be here. Do you.
by Pamela
On October 6, 2012 at 4:57 pm
I relate oh how I relate. Just turned a book into my editor and getting ready for the release of my debut novel. Somedays fitting in “blogging” (the writing, the reading, or the commenting) seems like oh-my-God-too-much-too-much, and some days frankly it just is. But I miss it. I miss the people. I come back. We’ll see you soon Julie. Happy writing!
by Beth
On October 6, 2012 at 8:59 pm
I’ve been gone girl too. Life kinda happened and I flowed with it sans blog.
But I’m really glad that you are not dead or perfecting a permanent disappearing act (although I hear there is money to be made in entertainment).
If you need a side kick, I’m in just as long as you can make me reappear again…and I’m not really into that cutting in half thing.
But we can talk about it now that we’ve both kinda became ungone
by Anja
On October 8, 2012 at 9:33 am
What a great post! I know how blogging can be like a black hole that sucks up time, energy, creativity and whatnot. But sometimes, as if by magic, it gives you something back that you wouldn’t have thought possible – a sense of community, some kindred spirits, and fellow morons who like the same stuff as you do.
by Erin I'm Gonna Kill Him
On October 10, 2012 at 4:01 am
Course correction is a constant with me. Knowing you’re off in the weeds is a skill in its own right. I hope you get that novel done one day.
by John
On October 11, 2012 at 8:03 am
Oh Julie, my Julie — I know exactly what you’re talking about. I’ve been trying to figure out why i’m not writing – but I’m not. And I hate that I’m not. But, because I’m not writing, I’m not reading . . . and posts are queuing up in my inbox, and I’m just letting them sit there, because I don’t know what else to do.
Gah.
So, well, um, just keep on correcting – and when you find the magic to correcting what you’re doing so that you want to write, and you want to share, and you want to read, and you want to comment, and none of it feels like a chore, please share the secret.
Me, personally, I’m blaming the job for most of my funk — so I keep thinking that I just need to replace my current job title with “novelist” or “playwright” or “songwriter” or “runner” or “gigolo” or “nacho taste tester”, but each of those require me actually getting up & creating something . . . which, well, see the previous paragraph . . .
I hate cycles sometimes.
by Megan (Best of Fates)
On October 22, 2012 at 10:20 am
I’m SO glad you’re focusing on making your dreams come true. I’m sending happy, successful vibes your way!
by Alexandra
On October 22, 2012 at 11:04 pm
You just hit my mind today.
Knew I had to check in.
Tell you we miss you, but so get it.
ANd admire your determination and discipline because no one else is going to lasso the dreams for you.
Hope I catch what you got, and soon.
xo
You’re missed, LIKE GOBS, missed.
That’s how special you are.
Here’s to your dreams, Julie, always dream big.
by Janie Fox
On October 28, 2012 at 5:15 pm
I am pissed that these posts have not been in my email. I am redoing that thingie…technical term escapes me. Loved the post on the conference even though I will never attend one, you made it entertaining. Thanks for missing me. I love ya kid!
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